My First Life Changing Event, Part 1

WARNING - This post is not for the faint of heart. It contains sex, violence, and may be difficult to read. It was certainly difficult to write...

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FAMILY WARNING - Mom does not need to know the details of this post...ever!! She knows the basics and that is enough.
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I had "talked to" this young man for a while. We were friends and both lived in dorms on campus that faced each other. We had partied together and had slept together a few times. We remained friends, talking daily and just hanging out. He was dating a young lady that needed a personal assistant due to a physical disability. I was a paid assistant for her. She and I were also friends. I was dating someone as well. He and I both had pet boa constrictors that we had snuck into the dorms. We had a lot in common and were pretty good friends. This took place in the summertime, between semesters, back in the early 90's.

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Physically, PW was gorgeous. He had dark skin, bright white teeth, and adorable dimples. He was always kind, funny, and affectionate. He had studied martial arts since he was a kid. He had just gotten out of the army. He was very muscular. And very.......mmmmm.......talented. If ya know what I mean!

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At this time in my life, I was also hanging around some folks who weren't college students. Most of them were older and were involved in.......mmmmm..........colorful activities. They were a rough group. I actually fit in well. I could be myself and have fun and party. There were guns and drugs and violence everywhere, but I knew how to avoid it. I was there just to have fun.

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One Friday, I had gotten paid. I worked at a retail store as well as helping the young woman who was physically disabled. I cashed my check. That night, I wanted a pizza. I only had a $100 left. When I ordered the pizza, I told them that I only had a $100 and they would not bring enough cash to give me change. I had no checking account. So, I stopped to think about who had change. PW was the closest. My other friends would have change, too, but PW lived on campus. So, I called PW. He had change and, even better, he had...party supplies, both alcohol and some good other stuff. So the plan was that I would go and cash the $100 and then we would get the pizza and party together. It sounded like an excellent plan to me!

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When I got to his room, PW had started the party without me. He was high and a little tipsy. He changed my $100, but then started joking around and wouldn't give me the change. We laughed and joked around, but then it became clear that he was going to be a jerk. I stood up to leave and demanded my money back. I was pissed by this point. He finally got up and handed me my money. I turned to leave and as I walked toward the door, he grabbed me. I thought he was joking.

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He spun me around and pushed me up against the bunk beds in his room. I had never seen that look on his face and I was scared. It was sweet, but with anger and control behind it. He tried to sweet-talk me and convince me to have sex with him, just once more, for old time's sake. He smiled and showed his dimples, but they weren't quite as cute anymore. I told him no, that I was dating someone and was faithful. Then he got angry.

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I was terrified. He was stronger than I was. And he had both a knife and a gun. I knew that he could end my life if he so chose. I knew that he was under the influence and that I was in very real danger. I wanted to fight. I wanted so badly to bite when I had the opportunity to inflict lifelong damage. I remember weighing the options for a moment. I remember thinking, "If he makes me..............I'm going to bite it off." But then the violence took over. I numbed out (the clinical term would be disassociated), in order to deal with what was going on. I won't go into detail about what happened (you all don't need the gory details), but it was bad.

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When it was over, he threw the money at me and laughed. He told me that he made a bet with his girlfriend (my "friend") that he could lure me back for a one night stand. She said no way. He laughed again and said that he knew he could do it. I just looked at him blankly and walked away.

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I went to one of the resident advisers and told her what had happened. She didn't know what to do. I thought about going to the police, but did not like or trust the police at that point in my life. They had never helped me before when I needed it and I had no faith that they would help this time.

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So I went to my friends. I was a mess, physically and emotionally. They made plans to go find him and "take care of business." I just wanted it to go away. I went back to my dorm and locked myself in my room for 5 days. I had food and stuff, but was afraid to go out. I was hoping my friends would call, but they couldn't catch up with PW.

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Part 2 coming soon!