I am just pissed off at the world today. Most of my clients cancelled their sessions. The weather is just too gorgeous here...people want to be off hiking, horseback riding, swimming, and generally living their lives. This has no impact on my pay or anything yet (I have a 6 month grace period), but is still annoying.
My own frailties and shortcomings anger me. I feel that I should be able to deal with the crap going on. Usually I can, but there are some days that are harder than others. My best friend makes an offhand comment about my picture on facebook and it bothers me MUCH MUCH more than it should. My husband remains positive and upbeat about moving on with his life and continuing without me. I'm glad, but damn it!! He should be hurting too!!! His attitude is "Whatever...this is your choice."
Over the past 8 years, I have been the breadwinner, working full time while he usually worked part time. I paid all the bills. We cared for his grandkids, with me doing much of the caring. He convinced me to return them and they took off with their mom. She wanted nothing to do with her dad. I want so badly to know how they are doing, to know that they are okay. I love them dearly. Over the past 8 years, there have een good times. We took vacations and had some fun. We played together and enjoyed and relaxed. We pulled together at times during the difficult times as well. But mostly this was done in more of a friend-type relationship. We didn't sleep together at his choice, he seldom would cuddle even when I asked him to. Even now, he is staying here until he has a vehicle (done) that is paid for (early August), then will save and find an apartment. I am not the type of person to throw someone out into the streets. I hear from my friends that I am too nice and he does not deserve it.
Yeah, I am angry right now. One problem is that I don't have an outlet. I have to be calm and present for my clients for 8-9 hours a day to help them...I can do that. Then I have to be calm and quiet to keep peace at home...that's more difficult. But the reward of keeping peace is good right now. But I feel like I am going to explode...any suggestions??
