Although I left exhausted and bitter, I did learn a lot from my last job. I learned many valuable lessons, some that were intentionally taught and others were not. Now, keep in mind that none of these lessons are set in stone…I am still developing my own views on all of this. They are also in no particular order:
***Children are usually best raised by their family. Blood ties are important. Family members can change and improve on their parenting abilities…if they choose to do so. This does not mean that change is easy, but with dedication, it can occur.
***Children’s behaviors are almost always the result of poor parenting skills by a caregiver. In saying this, I mean that children are not innately naughty and there is no such thing as a bad child. They learn that it is okay to act inappropriately when they are not taught differently. Reasons for poor parenting skills vary and almost never are due to a lack of love. Reasons include but aren’t limited to drugs, community violence, immaturity, lack of knowledge, and waiting too long to address problems.
***Children need structure and stability from day one. (Duh!) It is a parent’s responsibility to provide this. (Double Duh!)
***Unfortunately, some parents do not have and can not develop the skills necessary to be appropriate parents. This limitation is due to the parent’s issues. Other parents choose not to develop or utilize parenting skills. This is due to a choice made at some level in the parent’s mind. These are two completely separate issues. Unfortunately, the result is often the same: the children lose.
***There is a shortage of good foster homes. From what I have seen, Bob (see
Bob's blog) appears to be an exception to this. I have seen a couple of good foster homes in my years, but not nearly enough. I have seen a number of well-intentioned foster homes that fall short. This is an individual agency problem, though.
***Waaaay too many people truly believe that they know what is best for “the child” when they don’t have a clue.
***Some children need individual counseling. This needs to be done with individualized attention to a child’s abilities and limitations. Therapies need to be tailored to meet the needs of the child.
***Equally, some adults need individual counseling. This, too, needs to be individualized based on needs and abilities.
***The past IS important, and sometimes needs to be dealt with before someone can move forward in life.
***School and education are stepping stones. Picture an olde time visiting doctor. I see master’s level education as the tool bag he carries, as well as some of the tools inside (this depends on your individual school, however). As you gain more work experience and life experience, your toolbox grows.
***Every child, every adult, every family needs something different. A cookie cutter approach is cheating. It is my responsibility to find what this person needs/wants and how they best respond to treatment. If this treatment is in my medicine bag, that’s fantastic. If not, then it is my responsibility to help them find the help they need.
***Some parents need more help than others. Some parents just need someone to walk beside them as they guide themselves to where they want and need to be. Others need daily lessons written down and reviewed daily in order to do what they should have known to do in the first place.
***In order to address a problem successfully, you must address the reason behind the problem. Problems don’t occur out of nowhere. Every problem has a reasoning that needs to be looked at and addressed. This is why many substance abuse programs just don’t work. If you take someone and put them away in a program and get them clean, you see the sober side of the person. You put them back into the same place, they relapse. Typical scenario, right? Drug abuse is not the problem. Drug abuse is a symptom of their problem…it is how the problem manifests itself. What is their problem? Childhood issues, self-control issues, self-image issues, guilt, self medicating mental illness…..it all depends on the person. Only now, there is a physical and or psychological chemical dependency that goes right along with it all.
That’s enough for now. My brain hurts!
