Thinking...

How I wish I could speak freely...my thoughts are filled to overflowing with excitement and trepidation and questions. I am seeking answers, as I am both a questioning/curious person and a logical/realistic person. This makes for a well rounded individual as well as a competent counselor, I think.

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Now, in saying this, I do not say that I am simply book smart and have lived my life through my education. I have experienced more of life than most individuals have. If I know you well enough and trust you, we can debate that one-on-one. I form deep attachments to those I care for and my truest friends remain so for life. I will say that my life experiences allow for more trust, disclosure, progress, and ultimately success with the vast majority of clients I see. This is why I am grateful for all of the experiences I have had in my life, both good and bad.

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One of my biggest shortcoming over the years has been patience. Not with my clients...not at all! I can track baby steps, I can sit silently with the client who is unable/unwilling/afraid to talk. I can explain the same things over and over again and remain calm and supportive when the same mistake continues repeatedly. It is with myself that I have always lacked patience. I have always been strong, a survivor, confident, independent, and capable. The past 2 1/2 months have challenged that. I have had to be patient with myself. I learned to ask for help and support when I needed it most, and to accept that not everyone was willing to be the support I needed at the time. Then it was time to reach out to someone else. I learned to rest when my body told me to do so, and to not obsess about how much time I was sleeping, for the brain heals during sleep.

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I have been afraid. Afraid to trust, afraid to open up again. Then I found a friend locally who I could share with. Someone who has been through a lot in his life, too. I am beginning to trust him, and he understands why this trust takes time. And accepts it. So far, he has been nothing less than a geltleman- kind, soft, and affectionate. It has been very nice.

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No, this is not my news. These are simply random thoughts. My brain is consumed with what I am not saying. Which is even better! And this news will hopefully take more form within the next week... :o)

Randumb thoughts

My 20 year class reunion is coming up in September - it makes me feel really really old. I absolutely hated high school, yet am pondering going to my reunion. I am kinda curious to see where my classmates have ended up.

I really, really miss (some of) my family!!!! You know who you are... CCC clan, Becky, Cara, Dan, and others, too.

I have been feeling sooo much more energetic since I've gotten my anemia almost under control. And taking my vitamins and getting my B-12 shots helps too. I'm back losing weight and pants sizes, too (yay!)

I have started to work on getting pregnant. (the non-enjoyable, medical route) To my fam who might read this: DON'T tell mom! I wanna surprise her! :o)

I've had two people tell me that there are no cockroaches in Wyoming, because of the long and cold winters. I find that hard to believe, after living in Michigan and seeing some very roach infested homes. Now I'm sure there aren't any of the big, flying roaches that live in Alabama and live in the ground as well as in homes.

I like my new car (Saturn Vue) and am kind of excited to see how the all wheel drive will help out this winter.

Other than that, I am NOT excited that summer will be leaving and winter will be arriving.

I'm pretty excited about the future, even though I am continually frustrated with the present. It's the whole marriage ending thing. I want it done and over with so I can move on with my life.

My internet connection keeps acting funky, but I think it's my computer. I'm thinking I may need to have it looked at and should back up data soon.

LC is always on my mind. I am scared that we may be destined to be together. I mean, like, for forever. We've known each other and been friends for 22 years and have dated off and on during that time...after I was legal age and before I was married. We talk as much as possible and he wants to be a part of my getting pregnant and wants to be the father of my children.

So much on my mind. My brain hurts. I'm going to bed now...