Saturday, November 15, 2008


How I wish I could speak thoughts are filled to overflowing with excitement and trepidation and questions. I am seeking answers, as I am both a questioning/curious person and a logical/realistic person. This makes for a well rounded individual as well as a competent counselor, I think.
Now, in saying this, I do not say that I am simply book smart and have lived my life through my education. I have experienced more of life than most individuals have. If I know you well enough and trust you, we can debate that one-on-one. I form deep attachments to those I care for and my truest friends remain so for life. I will say that my life experiences allow for more trust, disclosure, progress, and ultimately success with the vast majority of clients I see. This is why I am grateful for all of the experiences I have had in my life, both good and bad.
One of my biggest shortcoming over the years has been patience. Not with my clients...not at all! I can track baby steps, I can sit silently with the client who is unable/unwilling/afraid to talk. I can explain the same things over and over again and remain calm and supportive when the same mistake continues repeatedly. It is with myself that I have always lacked patience. I have always been strong, a survivor, confident, independent, and capable. The past 2 1/2 months have challenged that. I have had to be patient with myself. I learned to ask for help and support when I needed it most, and to accept that not everyone was willing to be the support I needed at the time. Then it was time to reach out to someone else. I learned to rest when my body told me to do so, and to not obsess about how much time I was sleeping, for the brain heals during sleep.
I have been afraid. Afraid to trust, afraid to open up again. Then I found a friend locally who I could share with. Someone who has been through a lot in his life, too. I am beginning to trust him, and he understands why this trust takes time. And accepts it. So far, he has been nothing less than a geltleman- kind, soft, and affectionate. It has been very nice.
No, this is not my news. These are simply random thoughts. My brain is consumed with what I am not saying. Which is even better! And this news will hopefully take more form within the next week... :o)

1 comment:

Life on Pause said... news? yay!

Abou tthe above stuff though...I know how that goes. I went from being a healthy, independent teen on the honor role to a kid who couldn't leave the house alone, and had to stay at daycare, and couldn't even do school work.

It sucked. But I got through it, just like you. We're both doing better. Yay!