My Second Life Changing Event, Part 4

Catch up on Part 1

Catch up on Part 2

Catch up on Part 3

So, the brilliant x ray techs and their supervisor came back to my room with the portable x-ray machine. X rays were taken, without the techs being allowed to kill me. It was decided that the halo was placed correctly and that the traction was at an appropriate weight. I was happy. I had pain meds...that was all I needed to be happy.

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I spent the first day in traction. I was told that this could be a week long process and not to count on it working. That first night, I remember thinking about the accident. When I thought about it, I realized that I should have died. Really. My calmness and rationalism on the scene aside, I should not have survived that accident. I realized that I needed to change my life. I needed to move on from the first life changing event that I was still stuck trying to deal with.

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So I was lying in bed. I was thinking of all the things I wanted to do with my life. I realized that I had a future ahead of me. But then I came back to reality. It might be a quadriplegic future. I started scaring myself with what-if questions. What if I had to have surgery and something goes wrong and I end up a quadriplegic and a burden to my family? What if I went through the accident only to die in surgery? I decided that there was only one thing to do. I said a prayer and put it all in God's hands.

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I was in traction for the first full day. The following morning, more x-rays were done...with a portable x-ray machine, even! The doctor came in with an odd look on his face. "The traction did it. It pulled all of the bone fragments back into place. The bone fragments are exactly where they need to be, but I want to make sure with another CT scan. And so they did.

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They took me out of traction after my first full day in the hospital. The next day I was sitting up. I got to eat real food. I got to dangle my legs off the side of the bed. I asked them when I could go home. They sent me a physical therapist that day. My mom and I described the layout of the house, that there were 12 stairs up to my room and the bathroom was downstairs. And so we began working.

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It took me a while to figure stuff out. Those halo's are heavy and awkward. There are 4 pointed screws in your skull connected to 4 iron rods that connect to the vest. I couldn't look down to see where I was walking. I couldn't lie down. I couldn't see where the steps were. I couldn't even bathe myself!
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I thank God for my mom. She helped me figure things out. Day 2 I was sitting up. Day 3 I was walking and figuring out what I needed at home to help me. Day 3 I was walking up and down stairs. It was odd, not being able to watch where I was going. Day 4 was one more set of xrays and I went home!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Home.......this chapter is titled Boredom, Drugs, and Humility

I made it home and up to my room with no problem. Mom had gotten tons of pillows and my daybed was pushed into the corner. I could not sleep lying down. There were 2 bars going from my halo down my neck to the back of the brace. If I laid down, my head would not touch the pillow...I wouldn't stand it. So I slept in the corner of my bed against the wall, with tons of pillows around me. I had a tv in my room now and a brand new Sega Genesis (yes, it was a long time ago!) I had my pain medication and muscle relaxers and took them faithfully. I relaxed and watched tv and played video games and read, but was quickly bored. I spent less and less time in my room as the days went on. I hung out with mom and dad. We talked. Dad and I played Yahtzee. I learned a very valuable lesson at this point in my life. It was called humility. At 23 years of age, my mommy had to give me a bath. I was not able to help much, either. God bless the mothers out there!!! I adore my mom and am grateful for everything she has done for me!

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I had the halo for about 6 months. Then I had a soft collar that I wore off and on for a very long time. The halo atrophied my neck muscles. I had more neck pain when the halo was taken off than I did when I first came home. The weight of my head on my neck was terribly painful. It took a lot of time to rebuild my neck muscles.

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Now?? I'm fine. I have one side effect from the accident: I have migraines. I take meds for them and it works well enough. Migraines are certainly better than the other possibilities I was facing!!

My Second Life Changing Event, Part 3

So, the doctor tells me in no uncertain terms that my neck was broken. I knew this, but nobody else seemed to realize it. He told me that they were going to have to operate. And that I was looking at a long recovery. That part concerned me.

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As you may have figured out, this was a while ago. I was 23 years old and recovering from PTSD from my first life changing experience (I am working on the courage to blog about that one). I was living back at home with mom and dad due to that same incident, but had my whole life ahead of me. I realized quickly just what a C2 burst fracture meant. It is commonly called a hangman's fracture. For those of you without medical knowledge, the C2 vertebra surrounds the brain stem. The brain stem is responsible for some of the minor body functions of the human body. It controls things like blood pressure, breathing, heart rate, and sleeping. Nothing major...really...Unfortunately (or fortunately), I had enough medical knowledge left over from anatomy class to know how lucky I was. I was scared. But I was a pretty smart kid with a huge survival instinct and knew when I needed to put fear aside and be rational. I also had a dad who I adored and who worried about me. He was 72 years old and I knew that I needed to be strong for him.

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The doctor consulted with an orthopaedic specialist and came back into the room. He explained what he saw on the x ray and the CT scan. He said that the muscles and tendons were still attached to the vertebra, which literally exploded into many pieces when the car hit me. None of these pieces had damaged either the brain stem or the spinal cord. But he was concerned about the placement of one shard, which was along side the brain stem. He talked about the dangers of swelling and pressure and ANY movement whatsoever. He then proceeded to tell me that there was a VERY small chance traction could pull the pieces back together. He was not confident and stated that he would give it about a 3 to 5 % chance of success. I told him that I would like to try it and see. He told me that he was willing to try it for 24 hours and then re-evaluate, but if there was not a dramatically positive change, we would have to revisit the surgical plan. I agreed.

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Then, for the first time in HOURS, I was allowed to sit up. The neck brace was still on and there was a doctor and 2 very well built, completely mouth watering male nurses. At least I think they were nurses...techs...someone!! I was still in shock I think, was in a bit of a fog from the pain meds, but was quite lucid and still logical enough to discuss treatment options with the doctor. I was excited to be able to sit up. Everyone was very very careful and kept warning me not to move my neck, reminding me of the shard that was resting against my brain stem (as if I had forgotten!), reminding me of the sensations I needed to watch out for (racing heart rate, feeling short of breath or dizzy).

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In my excitement over being off the backboard after hours and being able to sit up and watching these two cute guys who suddenly appeared in the room, I had forgotten what was coming next. I had seen a young man in high school who had a halo. I knew what it looked like (weird) and new basically what it entailed. Well, guess what? I was SOOO not prepared to have 4 screws screwed into my skull!! I quickly realized what the 2 nurses/techs were there for. Those cute SOB's had the job of screwing those screws into my skull. The pain? INTENSE!! There were 2 of them working so they could finish as quickly as possible. (And to restrain me if they had to so I couldn't hurt myself.) I realize that now. I asked them to stop for a moment so I could catch my breath, but they didn't. It felt like my head was in a vise and being tightened. The absence of control terrified me (they didn't stop when I asked them to -- see PTSD above). I clenched my eyes closed and held my breath through the whole thing. The 2 nurses/techs? No longer adorable or mouth-watering...it's amazing how one's view of someone can change simply by them screwing some big screws into your skull!

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They then transferred me to my room. I could finally be with my mom and dad. It was about 10:00 at night I think, a good 12 hours after the accident. I was given more pain meds and muscle relaxers put into traction. My doctor called radiology. They took their time showing up and he went to see another patient. Fortunately my mother was there. While I remember the event clearly, I was not speaking well at that time. The shock was wearing off and I was cold and was shivering, teeth chattering. The pain meds had me feeling spacy and somewhat comfortable. I was in some private distress from the whole halo experience, which made me shut down somewhat emotionally.

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So, radiology shows up. Two young techs are talking, trying to figure out how to do an x-ray of me while I am in traction. My mom is just sitting there, listening politely. At first. Then these two techs decide that they would simply take me out of traction, put me in a wheelchair, and just take me to x-ray!! I remember the instant thought of "these stupid techs are going to kill me." Then my mom spoke up. She wasn't polite. She sent them to the charge nurse with their idea. She kicked them out of the room and then went to the nurses station and had the doctor paged. Apparantly, they spoke to the charge nurse, who called their supervisor. Together the four of them had a discussion about the pros and cons of their idea. Then the techs were reminded that they had a portable x-ray machine that they could use... (DUH!)

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(yep, part 4 is coming)

My Second Life Changing Event, part 2

(More hiking planned for this weekend, but here's another chapter in my life changing event)

I had a Ford Escort...the ones with the automatic seat belts. Sometimes I wore the lap belt, too. Sometimes I didn't. It wouldn't have mattered that day. The automatic seat belt wasn't adjustable and it lay across my neck and upper torso. The seatbelt broke my neck.

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The car finally stopped spinning. I was in the ditch across the street and down the road a bit. My car was upright and I was still alive. By the time the car stopped spinning, I was calm. I knew immediately that my neck was broken. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I knew that I needed to sit absolutly still and wait for help. I sat bolt upright in the seat. I felt no pain...had too much adrenaline to feel any pain. I sat and realized that my car was smoking and that I smelled gas. I stayed still and turned the key off. I waited for help.

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I realized, almost with a sort of detachment, that my head was bleeding. I saw the man who lived in the corner house come running with a first aid kit. He told me that the police and ambulance were on the way. He wanted to put pressure on the cut on my face, but I was afraid to let him touch me. I told him that I believed my neck was broken and that he could injure it more by putting pressure on the cut. I asked him to wait for the paramedics and asked him to call my parents. He did.

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The police arrived at the scene quickly. I explained what had happened and one of the officers crawled into the car, in the crumpled backseat. He stabilized my neck by holding it against the headrest. That was a relief for me, because the adrenaline was starting to wear off and the pain was setting in. My father arrived soon after that. He was understandablu upset and here was a lot of chaos. I totally lied and assured my dad that I was fine and that they were only holding my head as a precaution, to make sure I didn't hurt my neck in the accident. I asked him to go pick up my mom and meet me at the hospital. He agreed and the ambulance arrived soon after my dad left.

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The neck stabilizer/collar that they put on me was the wrong size. It was too small and would not fasten appropriately. But I was in a lot of pain, so they chose to leave it on and stabilize me on the backbord and get me to the hospital as soon as they could. Except that I was in pain. And I was tired. Nobody had given me anything for pain and didn't until waaay after I was at the hospital. Every single bump hurt like hell. I cussed them out and told them that they needed to slow down and drive more carefully. I told them that if they couldn't do anything about my pain, they damn sure needed to not make it worse!

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When we arrived at the hospital, it was busy. It was always busy. There were no rooms available. I had to wait on the stretcher, on the backboard, with the too small collar, in pain, with no pain meds...in the hallway. I thanked God that I wasn't actually dying at the moment, but prayed that they would get to me soon. I remember crying in that hallway. My parents hadn't gotten there yet and I hurt really bad and nobody would pay attention to me.

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I got to the hospital by 10:15 or 10:20 at the latest. I had x-rays and a CT Scan done. After the X-rays, people started listening to me. I was given pain meds and began to have a little bit of pain relief as the doctor told me that I had broken my neck. I told him that I knew that, but was hoping I didn't have to wear a halo. The doctor smiled, but said that I would have to wear one, even though they do look wierd. They did the CT Scan to see more details of my injury. This time, the doctor looked more serious when he came back in. Much more serious.

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"You have a C2 burst fracture," he explained. "When the seat belt caught your neck, the vertabra exploded. You are fortunate in that none of the fragments has penetrated your spinal cord. You will most likely have to have surgery to repair the vertabra and should expect a long recovery here in the hospital. You are lucky to be alive."

(To be continued)

My second life changing event.

I was tired - really, really tired. I had just finished working a double shift. I had gone into work at 3pm and worked until 7am. I was working in a group home, taking care of developmentally disabled adults. I loved my job and enjoyed caring for the 6 residents that lived in the home. I had been working with developmentally disabled and physically handicapped adults for a few years, had been well trained, and was dedicated to providing quality care for them. My relief didn't show up that morning, so I ended up working until about 10am, until someone could relieve me so that I could go home and sleep.

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I was tired. I was not concerned about driving home, though. I only lived about 5 miles away from the group home. It was daylight, the roads were clear, and the sky was bright blue. I drank another can of Mountain Dew, confident that the caffeine would be enough to get me home. I bid everyone good afternoon/goodnight (depending on their perspective) and hopped in my car.

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I was a good driver. I had driven in rain, snow, and ice storms when I had to. I had never driven drunk. I was just tired and only had a little way to go home. So I got in the car and left. I drove home the same way I did every single day I worked. I was careful, just like always.

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Then I got to the corner of Knapp and Grand River. I had a stop sign and stopped. I yawned and stretched. There was no traffic, so I wasn't worried about holding anyone up. To my left, there is a big hill. I looked and there was nothing coming. I looked to the right and nothing was coming from that direction, either. So I stepped on the gas.

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Time slowed to a crawl as I heard the crash. I heard the metal directly behind my driver's door shriek as it gave way. I heard my neck snap and knew in that moment that I was going to die. I heard someone scream, a classic horror-movie scream. It took a moment before I realized it was me. I saw the world spinning around me as the car spun in circles and I closed my eyes. I prayed that it would all be over quickly.

(To be continued)