Have you ever had a friend whose life parallels yours way more than it should? I met someone here in town with whom I share a lot of things and have become very good friends with in a very short time. And I worry about this person.
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Why do I worry? Because our lives parallel each other too much.
**Things have gone dramatically downhill at home for me. I spend as much time as I can at work or in the mountains. I am continually on edge at home, hypersensitive, hyperaware of every little thing. I'm not sleeping or eating much (if at all). I'm frustrated, exhausted, and concerned. I'm nursing bruises and hurt feelings and fears. There are days when I feel like I am falling apart.
**It is challenging because I am a counselor. I tell my clients one thing, but I am not practicing what I preach. When I am at work, I put on my counselor's hat and do well with my clients. I am effective with my clients, because my sole focus is on them. It is actually a relief. But that time between clients can be challenging. And outside of work is just bad. Except when I am in the mountains. I can usually find peace there.
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You know, today is my birthday. But yet, I am numb. It just doesn't matter. HE is still here. I just want to feel happy, content, relaxed. I am going out with coworkers after work to celebrate, but my heart isnt really in it. I just want to feel better. I don't want to be on edge...waiting for next time.
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The only thing I am waiting on is for him to sell his car so that he can get back to the midwest to his family. Only $1200 stands in the way.
*sigh* so, that's my story. To my fam...this is also something that mom doesn't know details about. At 72, there's no need for her to worry more than she absolutely has to.
3 comments:
Aw. Happy Birthday, but I'm sorry it's been difficult for you.
I understand about being able to find peace in nature. I used to be able to go for walks in the state park right behind our apartments if I was stressed....miles of groomed trails, and no one was allowed to develop there. It was nice...
And I don't know if this will help, but sometimes, sometimes letting go is hard, but benificial. Yes, he's still there. And I won't pretend I know that fear.
But maybe if you just try making a deal with yourself, like that you'll accept that he's here and it's okay to be afraid, but that you won't let it control you, then it might actually start happening. Your brain might start to do the work for you, and it'll get easier.
Well, that's all the advice I have. Happy Birthday. Oh and I have some new posts up if you're interested.
TTFN
-Bri
Hey lil sis,
I'm glad I got your blogger site again. I am catching up with you. I am very shocked and worried about you. Do you need some help your way? I can always send Jeff your way to help out...he's looking for a direction in life. How are entry level jobs around their?I need your address and phone number also. I'll write more later. Hope you got my birthday e-mail . love ya, talk soon love cccc
Bri - thanks for the birthday wishes and advice, kiddo! I'll be over to check out your posts soon! :o)
Con - yeah, things have gone downhill, but you know me...I am a survivor! Unless you know someone who wants a rebuilt 93 Ford Explorer for $1200, not much you can do to help. I'll send ya my contact info. Love ya too, sis!
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