Single and happy...

Well, mom left yesterday. I miss her already! I really enjoyed the time we spent together. I believe that it was good for both of us. It was definitely comforting and relaxing for me!

I'm going back to work part time a week from Monday. I am ready to focus on others and help them. And I'm thankful I still have my job to go back to!!

LC...out of respect to him, I won't go into detail right now. But things are in limbo and we are moving towards a friendship at this point moreso than a relationship. I am fine with this, though. I enjoy being single and am currently reorganizing plans to accomplish the goals that I have.

Better and Better

My mom is here and every day I feel a little bit better. I have quite a bit of memory loss from the time of the "incident" until a week ago...things are very spotty. But I think that's normal. Still not sleeping a lot or very well, so am constantly tired (exhausted). Head hurts still. But other symptoms are either MUCH better or gone altogether.

I am looking at going back to work three weeks from Monday. Not full time, but for maybe 20 hours a week to start.

I was looking around today and noticed how beautiful the fall colors are. I am still in no shape to go hiking, but plan on taking my mom for a drive in the mountains this week. It is gorgeous here!

Well, I am off to rest, but wanted to post another update. :o)

Update

I have been officially diagnosed as having post concussive syndrome and the docs tell me that in three months the symptoms I have will resolve. I'm not convinced. Right now, I am having a difficult time coping with life. My counselor and my mom think that it would be good for me to stay with her until I am released to go back to work. I disagree, but don't know how clouded my judgement is right now. I just value my independence and living with mom at 38 is a difficult pill to swallow. I am haivng a hard time leaving my car in the driveway, but am complying so far.
**
Physically, the bruises have healed (the old ones anyway). I am unsteady at times and fall occasionally. My head and wrist still hurt a lot. My pain tolerance and frustration tolerance are quite low. My emotions are a roller coaster...usually negative. I get tired very easily and nap a lot. I can't deal with crowds...WalMart is not a good place for me. My memory is horrid - I forget conversations, have a hard time thinking of words sometimes, and my speech has slowed. I have to write things down or I forget them within minutes.
**
Add to this symptoms of PTSD - insomnia, flashbacks, hypervigilance, and panic attacks. All in all, this is not a good time for me. I am looking at being off work for 3 months and returning part time. I am terrified that I will be fired in the meantime, as we are an at-will employer and I am wtill within their probationary period.
**
Wish I had good news to report to you all. I can't drive. I can't use the stove or oven. I can't go hiking. I can't work. That's about it. I hate to be depressing, but that's reality right now...unfortunately!

Current update...and more disclosure

Have you ever had a friend whose life parallels yours way more than it should? I met someone here in town with whom I share a lot of things and have become very good friends with in a very short time. And I worry about this person.

**

Why do I worry? Because our lives parallel each other too much.

**

Things have gone dramatically downhill at home for me. I spend as much time as I can at work or in the mountains. I am continually on edge at home, hypersensitive, hyperaware of every little thing. I'm not sleeping or eating much (if at all). I'm frustrated, exhausted, and concerned. I'm nursing bruises and hurt feelings and fears. There are days when I feel like I am falling apart.

**

It is challenging because I am a counselor. I tell my clients one thing, but I am not practicing what I preach. When I am at work, I put on my counselor's hat and do well with my clients. I am effective with my clients, because my sole focus is on them. It is actually a relief. But that time between clients can be challenging. And outside of work is just bad. Except when I am in the mountains. I can usually find peace there.

**

You know, today is my birthday. But yet, I am numb. It just doesn't matter. HE is still here. I just want to feel happy, content, relaxed. I am going out with coworkers after work to celebrate, but my heart isnt really in it. I just want to feel better. I don't want to be on edge...waiting for next time.

**

The only thing I am waiting on is for him to sell his car so that he can get back to the midwest to his family. Only $1200 stands in the way.

*sigh* so, that's my story. To my fam...this is also something that mom doesn't know details about. At 72, there's no need for her to worry more than she absolutely has to.